[A/N] This is my first writing piece in awhile, so please tear to shreds. I need to know if this makes sense or if its just too chaotic to work. Tell me what you think!
Have you ever seen freckle blossoms bloom
On young girls’ noses
In the beginning of June?
I’ve watched bubble laughs soar above
The freckle blossoms
Flying carefree for others to hear
We’ve spilt sweet stains on our shirts
From popsicles galore
And laughed bubble laughs at ourselves
I’ve watched freckle blossoms multiply
Right in front of my very eyes
We begin to change
Wiggle wiggle your painted toes
In the sunshine-smile warmed grass
And laughed bubble laughs
Sunshine smiles light up summer
Warm the faces of friends
From now ‘til the summer ends
Twinkle eyes sparkle in the skies
Of our freckle blossom summer
As we dance under twinkle lights
I run my hands through sun-kissed hair
A French braid, fishtail
Swims through your hair
Sleepy heads lay down to rest
Sunshine smiles wake up to sing
What happiness summertime brings!
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
i didn;t exactly like the slight repetition of the frickle blossoms and the bubble laughter. i do not think that they were used too well...sorry.
this seems to have almost usless lines.
like the wiggle wiggle your painted toes line?
why does that matter?
there are a few others but i will let you find them.
and the first stanza? its not that strong.
didn't exactly make me want to keep reading.
There is some other things wrong too, but i will let you find them.
why am i letting you find so many of your own mistakes?
so you can better revise and begin to self improve without a good review, and grow as a writer =].
keep writing.